This is something I have never thought about until I was prompted to describe my leadership style. I have never stopped to ask myself or examine how I usually relate with others in “leadership” situations. It was safe to sat I had no idea what my leadership style was. So I turned to the one person that always have answers to my questions. YouTube. Based on what I’ve learned and some references from my life, this is what I’ve found out:
1. Growing up, I and my brother had always been close. We ate together, played together, walk to school together, and fought each other (of course). Especially given the fact that was less than 2 years between us. I was a class ahead of him. Then the time came for me to go be a man, and I left for boarding school.
He met me a year later; I was in 8th grade and he was in 7th. Now, one thing you should know about the nature of a boarding school is it iron-clad segregation. Which means 7th graders only hang out with 7th graders, 8 graders the same, and so on. And everyone stays in their lane with a naturally understood authority of the class ahead of you. There was a senior-junior distinction at every level.
Nevertheless, we were brothers, so we are supposed to stick together right? And given that I have been in the system a year already meant I have insights on how things work. I can show him the ropes so he can have an easier time adjusting than I did (so I thought).
Thus I tried to keeping him close, micromanaging his affairs, and telling him always what to do and what not to do. And this ended up pushing us apart. I wan’t the “cool older brother” he wanted instead I was the “guardian” I thought he needed.
2. Down the line in my senior year I became a house prefect. The head-prefect aside, the house prophet is tasked with more responsibilities than all the other types of prefects. The house prefect plays a very crucial role in the smooth functioning of the entire school. We had 6 hostels and I was in charge of the 8th graders’ hostel. I had to make sure that every day they leave the hostel as early as 6 am for school. I organize and supervise the sanitation duties – making sure everywhere’s tidy, and that their uniforms are washed and ironed. And basically, any problem they have, they come to me. They were my responsibility. Thus, this taught me how to be responsible for someone else. And the leadership style I employed here (which worked) was the bureaucratic Style. The same style I used earlier with my brother which I shouldn’t have.
3. Another one is when it comes to lending money to friends. This is the only “semi-formal” element that I can think of when it comes to friendships.
When a friend asks me for money. I only ask him one question and one question only “when are you returning it”. They tell me, I write it down and hand them the money. I never bring it up until after the due date is overdue. And when that happens (with those types of friends), they revert to excuses. They say some issue came up so they weren’t able to give it back (these are usually valid excuses). And when you asked why didn’t they just tell you, they say something like they felt embarrassed to come forward and tell you. I never really understood that.
How I conduct my affairs is that once you give me your word, I take it seriously. And I expect you to do the same. If anything happen, I rather you let me know than just leave me in the dark guessing. Because once you break your word, it starts to mean less to me. But if you update me that you can’t make the date, I am an understanding person. I will say cool, let’s choose a different date and that’s it. But if you don’t tell me anything and just leave me wondering, I’ll assume you just never planned on returning the money. You just decided to take advantage of our friendship.
In conclusion, I now understand that just like our unique temperaments, everyone has a way of relating to others. we all have different leadership styles. I’ve discovered that my Leadership style is Authoritative and Innovative. And as you’ve seen from my life references, I can’t apply these leadership style in all scenarios. If I want to be successful all the time when connecting with people, I need to be flexible. We have to be empathetic to the ones around us. We need to be mindful of the needs of the people around us and where they wish to go first and foremost. Only then can we become able to guide them towards their ideals.
The first step in being a leader is not by stepping forward and “taking lead”. The first step in being a leader is by looking backward and acknowledging the different individual characteristics of the group and only then stepping forward to lead them to the promised land.
What about you, do you know your leadership style? What are your own life references that you can point to? write in the comment section below.