These are things and events that happened mostly in my childhood and teen years. Events That then, I did not think much of or understand the gravity of. But now years later, it always hit me every now and then when I connect a dot back to those truths from my early years. They are a gold mine of worldly wisdom that resonates with me with an ever-increasing intensity the older I get. I have highlighted a few in this chapter. Gratitude to my Mother and Father; for everything good in me, I got it from them. And anything bad in me, I picked it up myself.
1. My Dad once said to me “In life, you get windows of opportunities that open and close. If you don’t leverage them in that moment, it will be very hard for you to get that chance again. And sometimes, they are gone forever “ It’s nostalgic reminiscing about that day. And I have seen this clip play out in a 1000 situations in my life.
I remember when I was about 10. We went on a family Vacay outside the country. One evening, we were walking around the mall just me and my dad, and I spotted a PSP and I tugged at my dad and pointed that I want it!. We went over to the stall and my dad was talking to the guy. Then I spotted a PSP portableGo! which was the newer version at the time. So I tugged at him again saying I want the latest one. He was trying to convince me that he’s going to get me the standard PSP and then next time I could get the portable-go.
But my 10-year-old mind was already playing chess (so he thought). I thought that if he gets me the standard PSP, next time he would just hit me with the common parent classic ” but you already have one at home?”. So I countered and proposed, “okay, what if we just go and next time we come back, you buy me the PSP portableGo? “. And he was like, sure. But we never went back so I never got the portableGo or the standard PSP lol. It is a humorous childhood account but it holds so much gravity for me every time I remember that scene with such sharp clarity.
I also see this playing out in my interpersonal relationships. You could say I was quite reserved in high school. Even though I had buddies that I was close with, for the most part, I keep to myself. I still wonder sometimes, if I was more open and outgoing, I’d have gotten to know more people whom I was curious about and founded interesting. People tend to intrigue me, they seem like these novel creatures that have interesting demeanours which peak my curiosity.
If I had leveraged that closed social environment, I would have fostered more strong and lifelong relationships. And would have had a more exciting social life in high school that would have been good for my younger self and in conjunction my older self. It’s rare to be closed behind borders with other people for 6 years. People you met as kids and grew up together with.
In life you get seasons, and some seasons never repeat themselves. They come once and that’s it. When you are a kid, you have the right to be a kid and play ball all day long. That changes. When the seasons come, when it rains, make the most of it and grow from it.
2. I remember going through a stressful situation in my teens. I was making a major decision that will have a big impact on my future ( I was literally learning from the 1st lesson and trying to seize a window of opportunity before it closes). But the follow through was really taking a lot out of me. I remember I was in the living room with my mom, telling her about what’s going on. And my Mom looked at me and said, “Nothing good in life ever comes easily, anything that’s worthwhile, takes time“.
As cliche as that might had sounded to my younger self, I now know for a fact that all great things demand time. And the proof can be found stained in all my life chapters down to this very blog that I’m writing. Anything that I had ever wanted that turned out to be worthwhile is in direct proportion to the amount of effort and sacrifice I had made.
We look at our heroes and celebrities and we call them overnight success. But on closer inspection, we discover a catalog of foundational-work and levelling up that’s buried beneath. Nobody sees that foundation they had to lay with their very own blood, sweat and tears. People just see the beautiful mansions on top.
One of the biggest metric to know if something is worth it, is the time and effort it demands and it future importance on your life in the proceeding years. “If it wouldn’t matter in 5 years, it probably doesn’t matter”.
3. There was this one time, I was away from home and stressing out about something. I was on the phone with my Mom and she could hear the uneasiness in my voice. โ you should be more confident in your ability, you need to learn to trust yourselfโ she said. My Mom has a strong believe in me. But she had such a nonchalant attitude about it, it would make you wonder if she even cares at all if you’re not careful. She isn’t the type to shower you with compliments everyday. Thus, when ever it happens you notice it and it sips in deep.
For the longest time I used to have an attitude towards compliments. It always felt a type of way when someone gives me compliment. I just smile and think to myself โ that not trueโ or โyou just donโt know me that wellโ. I just find a way to justifiably brush it off.
It’s intriguing to me when I read or watch stuff about โunderdogsโ. Someone that nobody believes in and everyone is against them. But the underdog always seems to be so sure of themselves and confident in their abilities. They have this laser focus vision of their aspirations and where they “know” they belong. And their conviction is so sharp it cuts through any negativity thrown at them like butter. Now that’s attractive and appealing. Similar with motivational speakers when they talk about their life stories & struggles. How indomitable their spirits were against all the hate.
But I find it difficult to relate to that. I can’t say I have any haters or people trying to pull me down. Or my life has been adverse. Quite the contrary, Sometimes I wish I had more adversity in my life that will force me to push harder at life. But conversely, Everywhere is just green lights.
Now that sounds like someone “sulking in their blessings” right?. And you’ll be rational to think that if you find yourself in such a positive atmosphere, you should be growing effortlessly in that kind of environment. And I agree with you, that definitely makes sense. It sounds logical. But they are two angles to this.
On one hand, yes. If life is literally showing you love, giving you green lights, you should “naturally” be floating through life.
But on the other hand, using the classic example of being born with a golden spoon; when everything just comes easy to you, that can ironically stifle you. You’ll lack the hunger to hunt when there’s always food when you wake up in the morning. When you become too comfortable with yourself, you are more likely to let yourself go, and slack off. Or similarly, when everyone has such high regards for you, it can overwhelm you. And you just become stagnated and just waiting to inevitably disappoint all the people that believed in you.
That said, I learned that the best way to look at life is through your lenses and no-one elses’. It doesn’t matter if people are against you or with you. You should have the biggest standards for yourself. Yes, you might feel overwhelmed, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Feeling overwhelmed is just like any other feeling. It’s a natural human instinct. You just have to get used to co-functioning with it. If not anything, it’s actually a very good parameter. It means your goals/dreams are big enough. Because if they weren’t substantial they wouldn’t be daring. They wouldn’t scare you. This actually gives you an avenue to breed your confidence and self-believe. You should have the biggest standard for yourself after all.
If people are saying they think youโre capable of getting to the moon. You better be aspiring for Mars. Because if they can already see a sneak peek of whatโs brewing in you, you definitely have far more to give. So let that guide your insights into what you are capable of and build your courage on what to aspire for. You would be amazed of what you can achieve when you put your foot down on the throttle and aim ahead. Be more confident in your ability, learn to trust yourself.
4. An event happened when I was a youngster and my Father said something to me along the lines of ” People are happy to have you around when you have a lamp. But if you are just taken light from other peoples’ lamps, you become a burden.” I didn’t really grasp what he was trying to say. But I did remember how it made me feel at the time-upset and seething.
Years later, when those words had germinated in my young mind and sprouted, one of my first thoughts was that, “why can’t people just give without expecting anything in return? If this is how people are, then they are hypocrites! and messed up in some way. To only appreciate and welcome somebody, if they have something to offer is distasteful!”. The idea was enraging.
Then I went through a second phase where I started to ask myself “well…why can’t I give? If I’m capable of giving why should I rely on someone else’s kindness ?”. And that’s when it began to make sense a little bit. The world is an efficient place, in the sense that we are all taking from each other. If you are a doctor, people rely on you for physical remedies. You also in turn rely on other people in so many ways for your: food, shelter, garment, transport, and so on. So we are in a sense different parts of a single body peddling it forward to keep the system running.
If we are capable of being active contributing members of society we have no right for the sympathy and kindness of others. there’s no point of being a burden if there’re ways of lifting ourselves up. Moreover, if you have a choice, it’s a moral responsibility to choose to be a giver instead of a taker thereby making the world one-less-mouth to feed.
And if people don’t have a lamp of their own, instead of just sharing your light, you can show them how to make one. As the saying goes, “It’s better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish”. One decision sets him up for life and the other satisfies him for a day and tomorrow he’s off looking for another fish. Thus ” Strive to be someone that gives rather than takes”.
I hope you’ve found a bit of inspiration and a speck of wisdom from these conversations between a boy and his parents. I’m interested in reading your comments down below and hearing your thoughts. Adios.